It’s Au Revoir From The Haslemere Normans

We’ve come a long way since our 1st training walks in September 2010 when one of our husbands said he thought us over 40something Normans looked like we were right out of Last of The Summer Wine. “Pah,” we thought, “ we’ll show you!”

63 miles and (in no particular order) a matching number of Vital Statistics to describe our 2011 UK Trailwalker on 16^th and 17^th July 2011

1. 63 miles in 29 hours and 24 minutes with 11 checkpoints (CPs) and no sleep.
2. Podium finish for 4 Normans with no stumbles. Many Norman Wisdom moments in training but we officially hand on the Norman baton to Paul Helsby from Over The Hills And Far Away for his sideways theatrical podium stumble.
3. The best support team we could wish for. Thanks Dan and David for being our support crew. We could not have done it without you.
4. Driving to QECP at 5am on 16^th July listening to Take That’s “The Flood” and shouting in unison “NOT US” to the lyric, “We’ll watch you sleep tonight!”
5. First swear word before we’d even started and countless Tourette’s moments thereafter. (Good job we changed our name to the Haslemere Normans. Ladies we ain’t!) Apologies now for the very loud expletive at the top of the hill before CP10.
6. Wet, muddy, chalky, muddy, flinty, muddy, wet terrain.
7. More than 20 blisters. 4 lost toenails. Icky knees. Bad hips. Swollen ankle. Trench foot. But nothing compared to the suffering of tsunami or flood victims.
8. One use of First Aid station at CP6. Thanks to The Red Cross volunteers.
9. Favourite eavesdropping moment  at CP1, “She just won’t listen.  She just won’t.”
10. Loss of dignity between CP4 and CP5, CP6 and CP7, CP8 and CP9. (Just the one Norman! We’ll spare you the detail.)
11. Cross words. Countless. (Here’s the edited version.) “You’re going too slowly.” “We’re spending too long at checkpoints.” “You’re too fast”. “I bet they’ve finished and gone home without us!” “Get out of my way!” “We’re only doing a mile an hour.”
12. Endless and uplifting cheering and encouragement from the Oxfam Volunteers at every CP.
13. Incredibly humbled to have shaken hands with Gurkha volunteers.
14. One beautiful sunrise after CP8.
15. Mass despondency either side of the sunrise between CP8 and CP9.
16. 4 Mars Bars  – although the cocoa aversion had kicked in many checkpoints ago – one each as a gift from Support Dan to get us through CP8-CP9. Thanks Dan for that pep talk going into CP9!
17. One Drunken encounter. Seeing the drunken yobs outside the pub after Devil’s Dyke ascent who proudly told us they were just off to their beds. (“Alone, in your mother’s basement…” said one Norman).
18. The wonderful tweets, text messages, e-mails, phone calls of encouragement throughout from our friends and family. And! A big thank you to our families for putting up with the tri-weekly 5.20am wake up alarm calls since September and the long weekend walks.
19. One Norman in tears as the Gurkha pipers played for the final furlong as we approached the beautiful FINISH sign.
20. Four Normans in tears after the podium medal presentation.
21. Post-event, one Norman left stranded with Rod from Oxfam, alone with 2 Oxfam balloons, and 2 Oxfam flags as her husband was stuck in traffic. Thanks Rod!
22. One Haslemere Normans cake made by Hattie Hillman, aged 10. Thanks Hattie.
23. Endless cups of sugary tea/coffee.
24. One ripped Gore-tex jacket.
25. Two beautiful Fiat 500 moments. The gorgeous blue/black one struggling in the mud at CP2, the white one as we approached Brighton racecourse.
26. New friends, The Brixham Badgers – filled with admiration for you and your 27 hour finish. Well done. Loved your flag.
27. One lost walking pole. Yes really. (Ensuing angry words)
28. One incident of Catholic guilt, still lingering.
29. Acts of stubbornness – too many to mention.
30. Industrial doses of Ibuprofen and Paracetomol.
31. Zinc oxide tape at every checkpoint.
32. One cyclist after CP10 laughing as he asked if we were the last to finish. Very dangerous that, given we had walking poles that we could have shoved up his … spokes.
33. One near fainting incident, eased by Boots rehydration sachet.
34. Tin whistle concert after CP6, including requests and a few songs thrown in.
35. The double rainbow between CP8 and CP9 and not caring if there might be pots of gold at the end.
36. The impressive organisation from start to finish by Oxfam and the Gurkhas. Thank you.
37. Storytelling…an amazing detailed re-telling of the first ascent to Everest.
38. Conspiracy theories and deciding who really did shoot JFK and dismissing the Lady Di one.
39. Cravings for salty crisps at CP9.
40. Several humble apologies.
41. Countless misunderstandings.
42. Time at checkpoints around 6 hours. (Too long!)
43. Actual walking time 23 hours and 24 minutes.
44. Trillions of pangs of jealousy each time we saw the State Street Ritz of all tents. Actually that’s down right cheating. No TrailSchmoozer for the Normans. We loved changing our socks in the pouring rain in a field of pig’s whatever. That’s real Trailwalker.
45. One Norman discovering she’s part Irish during Trailwalker.
46. Multiple sock changes.
47. One Norman overcoming her fear of the dark and her fear of hills.
48. Immense sense of pride.
49. Fave family comments, “Mum, we made you a celebration cake and used green dye. It looks mouldy.” “You mean you did all that and all you got was a rusty medal. It’s not as shiny as my cricket medal.”
50. Biggest donation whilst en route £120 from Pádraig O’Connor. One Norman in tears.
51. Poor admin skills as it looks like we may not have ticked the right box to get a Women’s Veterans ranking.
52. One pack of jelly babies unopened at the end. That’s a first for us!
53. The beautiful snaking headlights behind us in our night section.
54. 1^st “Whose idea was this anyway?” as early as CP4
55. Agreement on who’ll be playing us all in the film
56. One hallucination, seeing a dead horse at the end of the course and refusing to walk near it. (Well, that Norman had just discovered her Irish roots and you know their love of horses. It was actually a discarded mattress).
57. The clay gulley in run up to CP9 known henceforth as the descent into hell.
58. The loudest howling wind at CP10 sounding like a 747 landing on our heads and one Norman insisting that the Norman with her “should beeping stop that noise.”
59. Fundraising total to date, £2,727. If you haven’t already sponsored us, please please sponsor us. Here’s our sponsorship page. THANK YOU.
60. One reversion to childhood with tongue pushed into bottom lip and a quiet utterance, “I’ll show you!”
61. One Epic Challenge That Has Forged Lifetime Friendships. We’re all still talking and haven’t run out of things to say yet! That’s the Haslemere Normans for you.
62. The sad realisation when viewing the podium finish photo again, we really do look like we’re from Last Of The Summer Wine.
63. A reminder of why we did it…. The Gurkha Welfare Trust will be using the funds raised to put in tap networks into Nepalese villages. Oxfam will use the funds for Emergencies (current ones include Haiti – Earthquake & Cholera, Flooding in Columbia and Sri Lanka), Development work (to give people the tools to get out of poverty) and Campaigning (current campaigns include Control Arms, Climate Change and Maternal Health.)

Au revoir from the Haslemere Normans. Thanks for reading our blog!